


String of Fate

by hallulawy



Category: Thor (2011)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, I'm Sorry, Loki Feels, M/M, Thorki - Freeform, but i tried, i feel so ashamed, loki cries in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-15
Updated: 2012-09-15
Packaged: 2017-11-14 07:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/512698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hallulawy/pseuds/hallulawy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor and Loki is bounded by fate. But Loki is the only one who could see it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	String of Fate

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, this is written from Loki's point of view.  
> And it is set throughout the movie(s).  
> Caution : My bad language? (I tried my best to clean it... Please be kind. ._.)

He despised the bond that connects him and Thor.

He never abhorred it in the past. Just recently, as his plans foiled and shamed him to levels beyond unacceptable.

He never wanted to cut it away, until now.

Yet he could do nothing of it.

* * *

He could see the thickening line ever since he was 6. When he first woke up from his slumber, he saw it right on his chest. It was odd, odd and a bit scary at the same time. After he assumed it wasn't anything harmful to his body, he examined it.

The string was glittered with gold, thin but strong. It's connection, he proposed, was from his heart. At first he thought it was a true existence to the eyes of all. Yet after he was clean and striding along the halls, he curiously asked the guards, but they had their face puzzled and said no.

Loki then realized it must be something so special, only he could see it.

His heart bloated with warmth, approving his hypothesis. But no matter how he tried using his little fingers to touch the mysterious item, they would not waver, and merely went through them, no matter how he tried to grasp onto it.

They're like those tiny dew drops he saw on those pretty flowers in the morning.

Though he couldn't do anything with it, he took the opportunity to trail it to it's other end. His footsteps silent in the early morning, like a small kitten searching for any new entertainments. He was a bit startled to find that it was connected to somebody he knew so well.

_Thor._

Thor was still dozing off on his massive bed, limbs splayed on his sides.

The long string too connected to his chest, and it moves slightly as Thor's chest rise and fall in a peaceful rhythm.

Loki moved towards the bed while tipping his toes, and crawled onto the bed carefully, not causing it to dip too heavily.

He observed earlier that the mile-long string was dragged with him, and the sight of it being laid across the space between him and Thor so messily, it was similar to a bundle of rope being thrown around. But the string made it look so graceful, he would have thought it was spun gold instead.

Maybe it is.

The thought made his heart swell.

It was so long, so thin. Yet it now have both it's end in the same room.

Loki turned his gaze onto Thor, onto the brother he always looked up to (metaphorically and physically) and took in the blonde strands, chiseled features and golden aura emitting soundlessly of him.

He felt like touching him.

He placed his hand onto his brother's chest, attempting to try, if it is possible to touch the string on this end then.

Somehow, he wasn't shocked when he felt the shimmering strand right above his fingers.

* * *

He told Thor about it after he awoke from slumber. But his tiny smile faltered when Thor told him he could see nothing between them.

His heart stung a bit as his expectation was crushed.

* * *

After he told mother all about it, with his head drooped and eyes slightly glazed, she grinned and caressed Loki's cheek lovingly.

Thor though did not accuse Loki of lying, but the perplexity of his gaze was enough to sadden his little brother.

"You are unique to see the beautiful bond between you and your brother." Her voice was soft and had a hint of proud. Loki looked at his mother questioningly.

"What you saw was something special, shared by only a pair." Frigga explained as she sensed the gaze. "Shared by people that are joined with fate, no matter how time passes and how they change, it will always be there." The end of the sentence had an intriguing ring of reminiscence.

"But why can't Thor see it too?" Loki's voice was small, but it still had the tint of disappointment in it.

"Not everybody could see it. Thor perhaps, is because he inherited his father's eyes." Frigga sighed, "They see all, yet not all."

Loki's face was puzzled, confused of the deep words quoted by his mother. He maybe bright, but he was only 6.

"But I hope Thor could see it too. If it's something so special, why couldn't he see it, and, and-"  _And we could have our very own secret together._

"My dear Loki. It does not really matter if Thor sees it or not." The slim hand slid to the thin, pale neck.

"It doesn't?"  _Why wouldn't it be?_

"No." Frigga shook her head slowly. "The bond would be there no matter what happens to both of you. You could not change or destroy it. It is just there. It might seem beautiful to those who could see it, but there is nothing more of it. What really changes the bond, is something inside here."

Frigga placed her hand onto the thin chest, right beside the golden string.

Loki felt the pleasant warmth seeping through his nightclothes.

He looked at his mother, and allowed a small smile decorate his delicate features.

"I understand, mother."

Frigga smiled, and kissed him goodnight.

She tucked him in his emerald bedclothes, and allowed her gaze linger as long as they could.

Inheritance may be the cause of it. But perhaps the ever growing possibility do bring two similarities together.

She need not to follow her own thread, to lead herself back to her husband.

* * *

When he was 10, his heart quivered when Thor hugged him so very tight when he finally found his way back home, after being lost for a whole day.

He threw a tantrum and hid himself deep in the dark forest. Never thought the possibility of having a hard time getting home. The thought of Sif and the Warrior Three stealing Thor away from him was too unbearable.

He remained under those large trees for a few hours, and while savoring the shades provided, he read the book he brought along, just in case.

Just before sunsets, he straighten up, and decided to finally, go home.

But he got lost.

When he finally got home, he was filthy with splotches of mud on his shoes, beautiful robes scratched here and there, and pale face smudged with streaks of tears and dirt.

Yet Thor hugged him, neglecting his state of disarray, and mumbled something into Loki's ear.

He heard something of ' _glad_ ', ' _home_ ' and ' _safe_ '.

But it didn't matter to him then.

As he felt the bond between them thickened, he knew the only way he found his way home, was because of the golden trail that lead him to the other end.

He sobbed silently into his brother's chest, and allowed himself to tug lightly onto the cloth on the chest.

He avoided the string though.

* * *

He went to the library when he was 12. He raked through all those dusty, decade old books, just to gain that bit of knowledge of the bond.

After hours of labor and no help from the slacking, fossil-old librarian--- He finally found a page or two on it.

"The bond would thicken if the relationship of the participents improve. But it would only thicken until the width of a strand of hair, and it will stop.

This would also, in reverse, and the string would decrease in brightness, and eventually lose it's glim entirely. Though it would never disappear until one of them dies, it is still not impossible to make the bond rot till it snaps."

 _Well that was useless._  Loki grunted.

It was as predictable as he thought, and from the lack of information provided, the amount of people that knows about the bond is pathetically low.

But positively thinking, at least it meant that he was rare and exclusive, different from those commoners.

Loki placed the book back to it's rightful place, and decided to leave the others as they are. That should make use of the old git.

 _Improving_. He thought.

Just how could he improvize it?

* * *

When he was 17, he knew he couldn't bear the sight anymore.

Thor was flirting with the fair maidens during the feast. His simple words drew fits of giggles from them. Others might have been astounded on how witty the words Thor own. But Loki knew it was his high reputation and golden appearances that acted like honey to bees for the swooning maidens. Their pitiful lives lit up as they had a chance to encounter the great crown prince of Asgard.

Loki scoffed bitterly.

He was indeed, the God of Mischief. But looking at how Thor never fails to (unconsciously) play with Loki's heart, he might as well throw the title away, and succumb himself to Thor.

But before that, perhaps he should cast a spell to transform himself into one of those abhorring maidens. And thus could be more than content to splay his legs openly to Thor. And perhaps even allowing the large oaf to mount him-

Oh.

Loki's trail of thoughts suddenly struck to an end, as he realized how pathetic he is now. He used his hand to cover his face partly in despair, and partly to conceal the ridiculous blush he's having.

Where did his 'untouchable' status gone to?

He moaned slightly at how his thoughts were corrupted by the non-existence teases his brother is giving.

A moment later, he lowered his gaze onto the glistening thread again.

It got thicker throughout the years. Almost twice its original width. Loki felt a desire to tug on it, to pull it out, or just anything at all, just to relieve the constant annoyance of his throbbing heart towards his very own brother.

But all those attempts are proven futile.

He wasn't sure if Thor could feel the tugs he secretly gave when he's near to Thor's chest (brotherly hugs, or when Thor's asleep, just a quick tug wouldn't hurt anybody), but he would be exhilarated if he could just remove Thor's end without killing him.

Then he could just ignore all those taunting scenes that makes his heart ache, and the sour taste of pure jealousy dancing on his tongue.

It just wasn't fair.

He gave a final glance to the revolting scene, and stood. He dismissed himself from the feast politely to his parents, and took the liberty to take the long way back to his room.

The cool air made him realize how his eyes hurt.

He lowered his head, and disappeared into the shadow lit halls.

Unknown to the glances Thor was giving him when he left.

* * *

He missed Thor dearly.

The bond is connecting them as usual, making Loki had the misconception that Thor wasn't that far away.

He only meant for it to be a cruel joke. To teach Thor a lesson on how arrogance consume one, how it dreads the eyes of others.

He should know. He was one.

He hadn't planned to make it this far. He had no desire to claim the throne. He rather'd to be the one beside it, to be the one with the trust dulled eyes.

To be the one serving his beloved king.

Yet he couldn't do anything to reverse everything to it's beginning just yet.

He need not the kingdom of Asgard. He knew much better than to rule the people that had no intention to stay beneath his boots.

He is eager for other needs.

He needs to show everybody, that he was capable of being Thor's equal. In every way possible.

To be Thor's companion.

* * *

He cursed at his own tears.

He should never show his weaknesses to anybody at all. He told himself so since he reached an understanding with his lies woven surroundings.

Yet when he saw, through the Destroyer's eyes, how mutual the infatuation it was between Thor and the wretched mortal, he couldn't contain himself anymore.

He could not stop them from spilling over his pale cheeks, could not stop himself from tasting the bitterness of frustration and venom filled jealousy.

He was a fool to think that he could ever succeed in winning Thor's affection.

He always was.

* * *

He couldn't stop himself from spitting the words signifying betrayal. The feelings he had was unrequited. Ever since he realized that Thor could never see him as he sees Thor.

Damn this wretched bond.

"Is it madness? Is is? IS IT?"

_He was losing control._

"I don't know what happened on Earth to make you so soft!"

Lies. But he always lie. Let he be the liesmith again. Let him be the one who is under the shadows.

_As long as everything could go back as it was._

"Don't tell me it was that woman?"

_And how she changed you since._

"Oh, it was. Well, when we're done here, maybe I'll pay her a visit myself!"

To pour the never dying jealousy onto her smiling face. To wreck everything she owned.

_As a repayment for owning what I never had._

* * *

He let go of the staff.

He let go of his fantasies, of himself.

He let go of the bond.

* * *

His own brain is still playfully twisting illusions out of his heart to ignite the dreadful hope in him.

He thought he heard a cry of his name from Thor's mouth.

A cry that is full of sorrow and regret.

_How lovely._

* * *

He let go of the bond. But the bond wouldn't let go of him.

The string lost it's usual glimmer. It's thin as hair now.

Yet it still connects them, from one realm to the other.

How could it not?

It always managed to do so, from the very beginning.

It connected a monster and a god with it's treacherous choice, to humor Loki himself to no end.

A cruel twist of fate to make him engulf more and more of the unfairness.

It hurts so much.

He thought his tears were gone long before. Yet they magically found their way again.

He couldn't even lift his exhausted limbs to brush the crystal droplets.

Silently, he gazed upon the star adorned skies.

Midgard shall be the next destination.

* * *

He was taken down by Thor this time. After all those little fights with Thor's little friends.

Not only he failed miserably to obtain the Tesseract. His death shall greet him warmly as the Chitauris placed their venomous claws on him.

Not to mention Thor was retrieving him back to Asgard. With the muzzle to shield them from his spells and lies, with the company of handcuffs to avoid them from being strangled alive.

He could see himself now. Either he's going to be tortured to a slow death by the abnormalities, or he's going to be granted a quick slash of light to his flesh, and end his life just there.

Choices were not given to him. They never did.

He took a glimpse onto Thor's solemn face, noticing how his facial features scrunches as the farewell was bid, and they're leaving the realm now,

Perhaps Thor was thinking how he would miss his pathetic friends. And his Midgardian wench.

He wasn't given much time to think of the suitable explanation. Thor held him close as they leave the so-called Avengers.

The journey was quick. In less than a moment, they arrived.

Thor's home. The place that was once Loki's too. Until the truth spilled through the shattered barriers Odin tried so hard to build. Loki detested the memories. He wanted to turn his head from the overwhelming gold, to avoid it from blazing his sights. But his weak body wobbled as he did so.

His eyes caught something when Thor accidentally pulled him too close.

Something thin and light.

He was suddenly distracted by the still existing gold. He was surprised after all those attempts to destroy this realm, and so many attempts to kill his stepbrother, it still connects.

But it's about to be cut now. He didn't realize it's state till now. It's dull colour and almost non-existence width managed to make itself almost invisible.

After all those years, thriving to maintain the bond, and yet successfully failed, he thought he wouldn't be shocked anymore as he saw it's change not so subtly along his road to destruction.

But he wasn't numbed just yet.

In fact, fear starts to haunt him again. Not the fear of facing death, but the fear of looking at the bond disappearing right in front of his eyes.

Thor seems to have realized this too soon. He caught Loki in his arms now, questioning him in silence.

Loki, failed to defend his last streak of sanity, slid his cuffed hands to Thor's arms, urging him to touch his chest. Thor's confusion didn't help much in doing so.

"What is wrong, brother?" He grasped onto Loki's lithe sides, though cautious, he still couldn't refrain himself from understanding Loki's desperate gestures.

He never wanted to give up on him.

Loki's eyes searched frantically for Thor's understanding, trying to send the messages through his eyes.

But he couldn't.

Thor never did understand Loki's actions and words, never did, never now.

Who was he to think that Thor would understand the importance of the fragile bond between them to Loki?

Realizing there is nothing he could do to express himself once again, he finally sobbed.

His eyes clenched close, for the umpteenth time, tears flowing down his cheeks. Just how many times, his heart had to be stabbed by this man? Just the thought of all the unfairness he was granted by this abhorring bond, his tears just wouldn't stop. They came more than ever, like for the first time in his life, he is finally accepting the fact that they were never meant to be.

The bond was just a pretty lie that was just trying to torment Loki to his insanity.

As Loki sobbed helplessly, Thor kept his mouth shut, and hid the pain deep in his eyes as he led them slowly to the Asgardian Courts.

* * *

Odin was lenient enough to spare Loki's life. But Thor knew, if he could have done anything more, he could have just release Loki from his binds and regain his status of royalty in Asgard.

But there were far too many obstacles refraining him for being a forgiving father.

Under Thor's request, Loki was put under the care of him.

Forever.

* * *

Loki remained his gaze onto the night sky. There are so many memories he sought out of it. Sweet or bitter, happy or sad, trusting and betrayal.

And almost all of them contains of Thor.

His muzzle and cuffs was long taken away. But his magic was completely sealed under his fingertips. That was the price for his destruction. Odin stated that the only chance for him to recover his abilities, is when he proved himself worthy.

How ironic.

His worth was placed under the judgement of all. And the worthy was only acceptable when it is considered as good. And not the effort that weighed so much as a tonne matters to them.

He couldn't bring himself to laugh at the cruel hypocrisy of a society he's living in.

All he could do is to listen to Thor's heavy footsteps coming near him. And the large arm that wrapped around his shoulders as he put his chin on Loki's head.

"What are you looking at?"

Loki's focused gaze did not give Thor any attention. He didn't even want to speak if he was allowed. But the oh so familiar scent struck another piece of memory into his brain.

"The stars."

"Why?"

"... Because they shine so bright." The answer was dull. But Loki had no intention of raking his brains to give anything that's not. He was trying too hard to ignore every piece of emotion attacking his fragile state. He couldn't contain himself if another silver of it came along-

"Are they as bright as our bond?" Thor whispered slowly into Loki's ear.

Just like that. It's always like that.

Loki's eyes widen in shock, the emotions flooding his senses as they always did. He turned his head, to catch a sight of Thor's expression. Is this just another cruel joke? Is it just that Thor is just speaking something random? Is it that Thor knew every single time-

Those large hands stilled him in his armchair.

Thor stepped in front of Loki, and kneel. He took one of Loki's slight wrist, and kissed the beautiful bony fingers gently. His eyes shone like sapphires of the highest value.

"I could not see the bond." Thor explained. "Mother told me."

Loki couldn't make a single sound. He was overwhelmed by the sight of Thor's sincere actions. His body regained their warmth as his fingers are kissed again and again, like they're so valuable to him, they are the only value remained in this universe.

Loki's emerald clashed with Thor's sapphire. Thor did not speak until he let go of the fingers. He took them to his stubble cheeks, letting Loki feel the contrast of his smooth palm and the rough facial hair.

"Could you tell me how does it looks like now?"

Loki startled at the request. He did not know the words he wanted to use to express himself anymore. The title Silvertongue abandoned as he returned to Asgard.

Slowly, his raspy voice rang through the cool air.

"... It is thin. It used to be as thick as a coil. It still shines occasionally. But it is nothing as compared to the past." Loki described the comparison with a slight resentfulness. To know that it was all his doing was never enlightening.

Thor listened to his every word, and slowly, closed their gap by leaning his face onto Loki's.

Their lips touched. And their first kiss shared gently. It was as light as cotton, but sweet as honey. Thor nipped onto Loki's bottom lip lightly to gain access. The trembling god succumbed eventually, allowing the larger man explore every inch of his mouth as he likes.

Loki never knew a kiss that expressed such an amount of adoration. Thor's tongue was undoubtedly skilled, he caressed the insides with such care, it almost made Loki sob. As comparison, he was as submissive as Thor was dominant. Perhaps his inexperience was the cause of this.

When the kiss finally ended, Thor's forehead touches Loki's, and while their breathing were ragged, Thor again asked with a whisper.

"What does it look like now?"

Loki's cheeks were flushed with not an unpleasant pink, but he glanced onto Thor's chest and observed in admiration, that the string glimmers ever so bright under the moonlight.

"It shines beautifully."

Upon listening to Loki's words, Thor grinned.

He took Loki's hand again, and put it onto his chest.

"It shall not be thin and dull again."

As the words escaped Thor's lips, Loki could feel the bond between them thicken as well. He felt like tugging it, but he wanted to ensure of something first.

"But what of that woman?"

 _The woman you loved dearly_. Loki's heart aches again.

"... She was never you."

Loki could imagine just what amount of truth lies under this few words. But he wasn't ready for the information just yet. He would listen to it tomorrow or the day after then.

But the confession had a tinge of shame, though more of admiration. Loki still needed some time to completely believe in this statement. He finally tugged the string, just lightly.

To his surprise, Thor growled.

"So this is why everytime your hand skim through my chest, I feel this sensation?"

Loki smiled, and finally, finally allowed himself to give an answer of pure indulgence.

"Do you not favor the way I adore you as such?"

Thor blushed slightly at the words of choice.

"I never loved it more."

And as such, he sealed their lips again, eager to express his own actions of fondness.

Loki did not sob out of despair ever again, either it is for Thor or anything else.

He had what he wanted now.

And he is content.

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr account: www.hallulawy.tumblr.com


End file.
